What It is:
Shame is an interpersonal emotion that gives us information about our social status within relationships. Shame is meant to help us determine which behaviors will bring us more acceptance and belonging and which behaviors will likely result in judgment, rejection, or exclusion. Though shame is a normal emotion that everyone has, it is considered by many to be one of the more painful emotions. Because of this, some individuals develop what we call “shame misregulation"- or problems with shame.
Problems with shame can show up in multiple ways. You might:
- Experience more frequent or more intense shame than the average person
- Become highly reactive or impulsive when experiencing shame or rejection
- Be unable to move on from or get past rejection, even when you want to
- Respond to experiences of rejection with self-hatred or extreme self-criticism
Does This Sound Familiar?
- People tell me I take things too personally.
- When I feel rejected, it’s always intense. I don’t know how to feel low level rejection.
- I will do almost anything to avoid being rejected, including things I don’t want to do.
- I obsess about times I was or might have been rejected.
- Others tell me I overreact to criticism or feedback.
- I become extremely anxious or avoidant of social situations where I could be judged, criticized, or rejected.
- I try to be perfect in order to avoid judgment, criticism, or rejection.
- I have extreme difficulty tolerating disappointing others or not meeting their expectations.
- I will never share any information that could get me judged or rejected.
- When I feel rejected, I hate myself.
- I think I sabotage my relationships to avoid rejection.
- If someone gives me negative feedback, I’m sure they hate me.
- I don’t know who I am because I am constantly becoming who everyone wants me to be.
- I am a “people pleaser” to try to avoid criticism or rejection.
Specialty Services at TAP:
Below are a list of empirically supported assessments or therapies that one or more of our specialists could provide. Click on an intervention to learn more!